brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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