i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
