i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
