The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
