Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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