I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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