I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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