I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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