you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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