Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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