there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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