how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
