I forgot how hot balto sounded
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
