Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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