By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you traded sex for a burrito?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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