but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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