May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
