I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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