he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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