he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
