You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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