East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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