So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have feelings that need drinking.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
