Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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