I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
