??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
