probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Vodka?
Forever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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