his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
