So drunk, too bad you don't want this
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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