New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My liver just had a heart attack.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
