Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize