dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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