She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
soo... how was my night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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