Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
