Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
