life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
