I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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