She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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