i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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