Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
