I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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