Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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