Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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