How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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