So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
