think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
