This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
