You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
