You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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