forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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