So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
