Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
