If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you win again, gameday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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