I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
