I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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