So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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