OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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