I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
