Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
