Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
