So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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