i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
