hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
