I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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