i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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