im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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