somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
