I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize