ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
