it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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