so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
