I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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