I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
