Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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