I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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