Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
