You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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