if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
