I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
