I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
