Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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