what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
love makes seman taste better
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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