that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
