if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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