apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
