My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
