that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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