Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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