She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Plan B is the new Plan A
ugly people sure do ruin things
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
