It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Someone signed my nipple.
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