But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
