and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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